I haven’t written anything in a long, long time. Having a job where I drive 90% of the time makes it so I’m constantly busy and never at a computer. It’s better that way — to not stare at a screen all day long. To have real work to do, to communicate and move my body. To have a job where I feel like I am accomplishing and growing at the same time. In some ways it reminds me of farming. Today when Corey and I were walking around Fremont there were many stores selling plants. I craved to garden again. I miss learning how to grow things and how to take care of the earth. Currently I’m looking for jobs that involve marketing, advertising and branding, but I hope that I can also find time to garden.
While we walked around we talked out loud about our day dreams: have a porch that over looks something (I imagine prairie or a farm), live close enough to the city but also close to the woods, have a yard with plants, be able to sit on the porch and listen to summer thunderstorms. Meanwhile I just turned 23, I have completely contrasting daydreams — work abroad, travel Europe and Asia, find a job, scrape by, and repeat. I’ve been realizing how transitory life is and seems to be. We carve out enough space in time to make our lives what we want them to be, and then, one day, they are gone. We are forgotten, our structures are re-inhabited or taken down, and it all starts over again. My daydreams might be the same as my predecessors and we all want comfort and excitement.
My birthday just passed and with it I had gone through a lot of wonderings and contemplation. Is life finding who you want to spend your time with, what you want to spend your time with, and what you want your time to be? Does time change, over time? How have the years, adding on numbers to my age changed me? I wonder about this year, and how I will interpret it. I wonder if my daydreams will come true and if they will be greater than I can imagine. I never planned for everything that has happened to me, and yet it has made me more of the person I thought I should be and been more beautiful than I could ever dream of.